While looking around for a few things on the net I ended up coming across two funny pieces of text.
I found these about a month ago, however it was only recently I remembered about them, so I though I’d share.
Identifying the Gender of a computer can be a bit tricky no?
An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language. He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine names and how ships and planes were usually referred to as “she.” One of the students raised his hand and asked, “What’gender’ is a computer?”
The teacher wasn’t certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The group of women, on the other hand, concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
And the other set of rules of life.
We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the Rules
from the male side. These are our rules:-
Please note… these are all numbered “1″ ON PURPOSE!
1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change
that.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.
1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what Mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you
don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as Sex, Sport, or Cars.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.
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